Sunday, 15 January 2012

Iran, Full Board & Free Flights

Regarding :- Iran Could Face UK Military Action Over Nuclear Programme

Iran Holiday Resort - £0pp (Not Including Taxes and MOD Costs) 

  • Several Years' Accomodation.
  • All Inclusive.
  • Full Board.
  • Free Flights.
  • Complimentary rifle and combat gear (Sub-standard, Second-Hand)
Journey to the magical, mysterious resort of the Islamic Republic of Iran, where you too can experience first hand the results of shoddy military intelligence and a political leadership that fails to learn from its own mistakes! Not content with developing the magical, mysterious resort of Iraq, the M.O.D. Travel Company has now decided to extend our fun-filled excursions to classical Persia. You too can immerse yourself in the fabled history of this wonderful resort by simply believing everything we say and signing your life away on the dotted line provided. Your country will thank you, and even if they don't (probable) then you can rest assured. The reason your limbs will no longer be as geographically close to you as they once were will be because you're going to be implementing yet another largely illegal invasion for the purposes of grabbing us some OIL BABY, YEAH!! 

But this trip isn't all business! No indeed! The M.O.D. Travel Company has a number of activities that you too will be able to participate in, free of charge. You loved it and we noticed, so we're bringing back our famous Live Round Paintball, where even beginners can take pot shots at similarly fooled young men and women in Iranian uniforms, who also believe they're fighting for a cause! Silly Iranians, gotta get 'em all! Looking for a little more excitement? Well the M.O.D. has you covered. Back by popular demand are our Super Treasure Hunts, where you and your buddies stomp around in the sand to find Fun IEDs™. Lucky winners get to ride in a helicopter and see our sub-standard and underfunded field hospitals, following which they'll be largely forgotten by all but their decimated families. Unlucky winners will get a free flight home, assuming we can find most of you, and have their names etched on a cheap piece of stone forever. Great value or what?!
Our accommodation range is just as good as it ever was - in fact, it's exactly the same as our Iraq Excursion! Cramped and temporary tents await you and your friends (friends are not guaranteed to return with you) at the end of a long days fun (see paragraph two). If that wasn't enough for you, you can opt for our Sleep Under Stars option where you can spend nights in a ditch dodging Iranian participants of Live Round Paintball! With M.O.D. Travel, the fun never stops!!

We know you'll take memories of this holiday home with you (participants are not guaranteed to get home), so confident are we of the fun you'll experience. The M.O.D. has many well documented (but publically unavailable) reports of our customers reliving their experiences almost every night, leaving them so filled with fun that they remain unable to find work, function as a family member and who knows what else?! With a holiday like this, the fun lasts forever. 

So join us in Iran, we think it'll be a blast and it'll be a bullet to the head of your boredom! Just sign on the dotted line provided.........

Your friends, the M.O.D...

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I mean no offence to any member of the Armed Forces, I simply wish to draw attention to the larger futility, horror and death that you experience daily as a result of the greed shown by Government and Corporate interests. I have always maintained that as soldiers you consciously signed up knowing you were preparing for potential wars - this is your choice - but following that your choice was removed utterly. I don't villify or praise anybody who serves. I reserve criticism and villification for those who send you to war, and the reasons for which they do so.

Just a small Human in a big Universe,

Ger Morris

Saturday, 14 January 2012

Sixty Seven Thousand Miles Per Hour

Let's think for a moment about some of the things that may have worried you today. Work is probably high on the list; deadlines, how many hours you have, your pay, even whether you will still have work at the end of the year. Perhaps something on the news has ticked your worry nerves; quite how a £372m luxury liner managed to hit a sandbar? Your worries may have even been more down to earth; whether your football team will win today, or what to wear for your big Saturday night out?

Well, if you'll permit me, I hope to assist in making some of these daily worries fade to the background a little with some facts that may make things feel a little more.......insignificant. A healthy dose of wonder, if you prefer. So sit for a moment, perhaps with the following music as a backdrop, and see if the following information helps you to put your worries in perspective.

You are sitting on a ball of rock that weighs 6.6 sextillion tonnes (that's 6.6 and twenty 0's) and you're whipping around a giant nuclear reactor at a healthy 67,000 miles per hour. But don't worry, no seatbelts are required, as the mass of this rock has warped spacetime to such an extent that you are clamped to it's surface, along with the air you breathe and everything else you can see. Should you ever wish to feel strong, simply lift up your mobile phone and be secure in the knowledge that you are so buff, in such galactically good shape, that you can overcome the gravitational pull of an entire planet. I think it's safe to say you can forget the gym for the weekend.

And, boy, are you old. No no, wait, I apologise. I don't mean this insultingly - in fact we're all old. Far older than you perhaps realise. You see the elements in your body, the elements in your blood to those in the neurons of your brain, each and every one of them were forged in the hearts of dying stars. And if that were not enough, your atoms are even older. There sure are a lot of them too, approximately 7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 of them. I hope you'll forgive me for not being able to remember the name for that many. I shall call that figure 'A Lot'. Even more astonishingly, each and every single one of those atoms, not one excluded, is co-operating and performing without complaint in a statistically improbable mission to keep you alive. So, let's not forget to thank your atoms, because the bits that make them (and therefore you) were born in the Big Bang.....some 14.7 billion years ago. So, y'know, Happy Birthday and stuff - you'll understand if we didn't bother with a cake and candles....

But let's not stop there, I sense that I have not quite beaten back the worry monster inside you. The big ball of nuclear explosion that we're orbiting, one that's been exploding for about four and a half billion years, has perhaps 200-400 billion brothers and sisters in The Milky Way. Some are bigger, some are smaller, but as you can imagine the parties are a riot. VY Canis Majoris appears to have eaten all the cakes though - in fact if you're seeking perspective on this little size comparison, you could do worse than having a look at this little video.

But just so it doesn't get bored, the Universe has provided the Milky Way Galaxy itself with 100-200 billion other galaxies for company, and this is just in the small fraction of the Universe that we can see. I don't mean to be rude, but you and your problems could not be smaller on a stage that spans 14.7 billion light years.

Lest I bore you with statistics and too much information, let me leave you with this. Your problems may appear overwhelming, so at such times I suggest you head outside at night and look up. If you're lucky, you'll have a clear night and some stars will put on a show for you. For each and every star you look at will be allowing you to look back in time; the photons that make up the light you see have been travelling for a hundred or five hundred or a thousand or tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of years to meet you.

Your problems are fleeting, but the stars....and therefore you yourself....will outlast them all. :)

Just a small Human in a big Universe,

Ger Morris


Better Late Than Never

Better Late Than Never

Alright. Let's see here. for 'Blogging'....ah, here we are :- 

"A blog (a blend of the term web log)[1] is a personal journal published on the World Wide Web consisting of discrete entries ("posts") typically displayed in reverse chronological order so the most recent post appears first."

Well, now, this sounds like fun! I mean who among my esteemed friends, colleagues, acquaintances and other noteable worthies would not want to read my personal views and rants (the latter being more likely) on the world?........Yes, you're probably right. So, I guess this is just for me; a therapeutic and rather convenient way to express my many opinions, erroneous and otherwise, to a vast and largely un-interested Internet population. But just in case....... 

Most, if not all Bloggers will begin with carefully veiled hopes to become sensations of the World Wide Web. I am no different. I secretly believe that my ramblings here will result in fame, fortune, fast cars and hopefully a new keyboard on which the space bar does not stick. However, in the meantime I am content to simply place virtual quill to virtual parchment on the topics that interest me, and perhaps you as well. 

To those I bore utterly, you have my sincere apologies. To those I interest ever-so-slightly, thanks for reading.

Just a small Human in a big Universe,

Ger Morris